How many children did my husband envision having? Well, to be completely transparent, 0 was what he said as my boyfriend. His reason? Something about the world being overpopulated. I suppose his love for me made it impossible to keep that reverie of his, as he made my dream of becoming a mother come true, he found immense fulfillment in becoming a father. I see it everyday as he strives to become the best version of himself to serve as a role model to our little ones.
So how many children did I want to raise? I never knew for sure, but having at least one was always a no-brainer. After having our first baby, I came to the realization that I wanted more; hence, why 3 seemed like the ideal number for me. I, myself, being an only child, never felt like I lacked siblings nor did I ever express the desire to have siblings. As an adult, my opinion shifted completely. I found myself longing for a big family. I wanted the chaos that came with managing multiple schedules. I wanted a loud home and I wanted that for years to come. My mother is third of 3 and my father is second of 3. When I put myself in their shoes, there's just something comforting about the idea of growing up in a household with 2 parents and 2 siblings.
Photographed by Julia C. Vona / Junophoto
May 8th 2019
From our first maternity photoshoot
UNPLANNED BUT NOT UNWANTED
Baby number one came as a shock, because we found out about this first pregnancy two months after getting engaged. At this point we had only been together for two years. Needless to say, our friends and family were all stunned, some probably even doubting if we were moving too fast, because we were the first ones in our circle to have a baby. This was also the first grandchild for both sides of the family, so it was a big deal for his and mine. I must admit, all our friends were in their mid to late twenties and nowhere near thinking about conceiving in 2018. And yet, we were not afraid and embraced this new chapter of our lives with open arms.
Fast-forward to 2020, in the midst of a global pandemic, we find out we're expecting again. The news is received with a lot more normalcy than the first time. It was just a little sibling added to the mix, another boy to complete this picture perfect family of four. Friends around us were also announcing their first pregnancy. At this point in time, everyone had been secluded from each other due to the multiple pandemic lockdowns, and yet, it was an odd era where we were more connected than ever before. We shared our knowledge and experience through photos and homemade Tiktok videos. People were paying close attention to our new lifestyle. "You guys are the trailblazers for us first-time parents", they would say.
Photographed by Julia C. Vona / Junophoto
September 29th 2021
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CONFLICTED
To no one's big surprise, my husband initially wanted to stop at two. Him being second of 4, he saw the struggle his parents went through and was fearful of following in their footsteps. Tears were shed, point of views were shared, and many long conversations ended with no clear consensus. We simply did not see eye to eye. For the longest time, it was a categorical no from him and a battle I stubbornly decided was worth fighting for. My reasoning was purely selfish but I was also okay with waiting a few years before bringing it up seriously again. I told myself that I would ultimately have to present him a slideshow with legitimate reasons why we should become a family of five. I was ready to make financial graphs to solidify my standpoint (because "needing five players to play Avalon and Resistance" wasn't enough to convince him).
Make no mistake, I wasn't hopelessly foolish either. My empathy was strong by nature. The last thing I wanted was my beloved husband to resent a life with 3 kids, a life that I imposed. The truth is, I was barely adjusting to our new life with 2, and it was not easy. As we settled into our new routine of raising 2, I mentally prepared myself to stop insisting for 3. I told myself that throwing in the towel wouldn't necessarily be a defeat. Being too greedy to the expense of my husband's happiness just wasn't worth it. Still, I would catch myself daydreaming. I would envision life with 3 children. I would even joke about it every now and then, poking the bear. Little did I know, my husband was already slowly warming up to the idea...!
Photographed by Marina Pochepkina
January 30th 2023
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LET'S GO FOR 3
One night, he asked me again: "Why 3?"
I still didn't have a logical answer for him. I just said my honest truth. It was based off of feeling... it was this odd maternal feeling that our family was not complete. Somebody was still missing. I also revealed something to him that was most likely what finally tipped everything in my favor. I told him that a year before my mother passed away, she told me she had plans of getting a pool in the backyard. "We'll be well-equipped to babysit your three children in the future," she would casually say. I didn't know if this was a seed that she planted subconsciously into my head, all I know is that I was very annoyed to hear it at the time. Looking back, it was obvious why talking about having children irritated me: I wasn't ready nor was I with the right partner.
"If we want 3, let's have them close in age. Isn't that better?" he asked.
I was shocked. He changed his mind?
"Yeah but, we can wait and think about it... no need to rush..." I hesitantly said.
He then revealed that he was thinking about it for a while now and came to this conclusion: "Your dream is my dream."
Cheeesy much!!!
However, his new resolve came with 3 conditions:
We must get our finances organized;
We will be taking contraceptive measures after the third child is born
and last but not least, "if you want 4 somewhere down the road, f***ck that!"
I laughed and agreed whole-heartedly.
On October 16th 2022, I find out I'm pregnant for a third (and final) time.
PS: Scroll to the bottom of this post to see our third gender reveal
Photographed by Marina Pochepkina
January 30th 2023
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OUR THIRD GENDER REVEAL